Posts Tagged ‘change’
Ahh…Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. The day we shower our loved ones with candy, cards, stuffed animals, and other trinkets. It’s also the day we curse for being fake, commercialized, glamorized, and created for profit’s sake.
Honey, listen.
Your thoughts about Valentine’s Day are valid…because they’re your thoughts. Maybe you love the day. Maybe you loathe it. Maybe it brings up beautiful memories of how you met your spouse. Maybe it’s not even recognized as a day and you’re still pretending it’s February 13th. Whatever the case may be, look past the “holiday” and see the purpose of it.
This day is about love. It’s about caring for individuals in a way that may or may not be deserving. It’s about putting someone else’s needs before your own simply because you value them that much. To me, Valentine’s Day isn’t a chance to show off how much you love your mate to the public. It’s a day to prove to someone that you love and value them…in private.
That can be hard to do, especially if you’re still healing from a broken heart. I understand because I’ve been there. Hell, technically I’m STILL there! There are different levels of pain when it comes to a broken heart. There’s the level due to the loss of a love one through death. There’s the level due to loss of a loved one intimately (breaking up). And there’s the level due to loss of SELF! This is the level I want to address because – in my opinion – this is the hardest heart break of all to heal from – but it’s also the EASIEST to recover.
When I say, “loss of self,” what I’m referring to is forgetting about the essence of who you are. This could have been done for the sake of pleasing someone else. It could have been due to extensive responsibilities. Or maybe you were never taught how to love your self so you didn’t, in fact, lose it…you never had it. When we neglect our own needs it becomes hard to meet the needs of others. When they don’t understand this neglect of self and still demand things from us, it can also make us resentful.
This is dangerous for several reasons. Resentment blocks our ability to reason. It prevents us from seeing the full picture because we’re so focused on what’s being taken from us; we don’t stop to see what we’re giving ourselves. It also makes it harder for others to love us because we automatically group everyone in the category of “leeches” and assume they just want to stick their grimy straws in our backs and suck us dry. That may not be the case, but when we have no love for self and set no boundaries it sure can seem that way.
That’s why it’s important to step back from everyone and everything for a while and refuel your own cup. You need to get into the habit of loving you even when it’s hard to love others. We get so wrapped up in trying to prevent others from breaking our hearts that we don’t see how we’re breaking our own hearts daily. Love isn’t outside of you. It’s within you. When you love yourself properly it begins to REFLECT outside of you. So the love that you believe others have – or don’t have – for you is really a REFLECTION of the love you have for yourself.
Now the question is how are you loving yourself? What have you done to please you lately? Do you even know your love language? If not, find out what it is here. Once you know how to love you, then you can fall passionately in love with your SELF. Then and only then will the additional love from others have true meaning.
This Valentine’s Day, spend some time loving you even if you’re recovering from loving others. It’s okay to still show love to others as well, even if you’re working on healing yourself. No one has ever been hindered by love. Lust…yes. Love…no way! The best way to heal your heart is to use it. Start inward and work your way out. The more you love, the faster you’ll heal.
How will you love yourself this Valentine’s Day? Share your ideas below.
Are you struggling with learning to love yourself? Let me show you how vital love is to your personal growth.
http://isyspublications.com/coaching
…but it doesn’t always go how we expect. Life is constantly changing. From our ideas, to our thoughts, to our plans we are always switching, tweaking, adjusting – whatever you want to call it! Nothing remains constant in our lives, not even the days of the week. Therefore, change is inevitable. Change is required. Change is good. Change is…umm…change!
I dyed my hair!
There’s a method to the motivation here. Work with me!
The past few days in my life have been about change. I faced the fact that the initial plan I had when I moved south had gone AWOL on me. Not only did my plan go AWOL, my goals shifted. What I needed, wanted and desired 365 days ago are not the same things I need, want, and/or desire today. That happens! So I have been changing to fit the changes that have changed within me.
Let me change that!
Essentially, I have decided this course of action is not conducive to the results I’d like to achieve. We all know that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. Well, in a sense I was driving myself insane. I had been doing the same things in the same or similar ways and expecting different results – and had the nerve to ge mad when they didn’t occur!
Blasphemy! Straight blasphemy!
So, I have come to the conclusion that if I WANT something different I’ll have to DO something different…and I started with my hair!
I have been natural in every sense of the word for over four years. Tomorrow will be my three year loc-iversary (loc anniversary). I wanted to do something different with my hair because, in typical me fashion, I was getting bored with it. So I opted to dye it. I spent a good twenty minutes, and several brain cells, at the hair store trying to decide which color, and how many colors, I wanted to dye it. I knew that it would take a couple of application bottles no matter what I decided because my hair is EXTREMELY RESISTANT to change! (So much like the owner!) I finally decided on a color…
Ruby Rage!
Hindsight is 20/20! Why did I pick a color with a negative name such as “rage?” Ugh!
Anyway, back to the story. So I finally got around to dying my hair. The process began around 10:45 or so last night. Knowing it would be resistant I didn’t start the countdown process until after I applied both bottles of color, which in itself took 45 minutes. (I have A LOT OF HAIR!!!!) 11:38 PM was when I started the 30 minute countdown. In the meantime, in between time, I did my facial steaming and prepared my rose water bath afterwards.
Midnight hits and I get ready to wash this stuff out of my now stiff-as-a-board locs. Checking the edges, I can see that it’s going to be a hit-or-miss result. I was prepared for that. So I lather, rinse, wash, rinse again, condition, rinse AGAIN and finally blow dry my hair.
The result?
o_o <— Does that explain it?!
I’m not pissed…but I’m not happy, at least not yet. See, the thing about my hair color epiphany is that I went by the “results” that were listed on the box. Funny thing is I tried this color a few years ago. It didn’t work then, I had no clue why I thought it would work now. (Clear case of insanity at work!) Yet my color DID CHANGE! It just didn’t turn out like the color on the box…you know, how I EXPECTED it to look. The same can be said with things in life. They WILL CHANGE…just not always how you expect it. So you have two choices: you can a) accept the change as it is given to you, or b) continue to adjust the change until you achieve your desired results. You could also go back, but then you’d be stuck at square one. Who wants to go through the madness all over again?
As for me, the jury is still out on my hair color. The sun tends to finalize the results anyway. We’ll see what happens with my locs. In regards to the other aspects of my life that I’m supposed to cover in this blog, well…
Professionally: I’m not “changing” my career path, but I am changing how I approach it. I’m also adjusting my viewpoint on how I look at certain opportunities, because not every opportunity is for me.
Intellectually: I had a reality check. I was living insanely, which caused a lot of my internal…and external…discord and discomfort. I fully own up to that, and have accepted, forgiven, and let it go. I am now working towards something bigger, better and brighter than before.
Emotionally: I’ve softened up…sike! (Haven’t heard THAT ONE in a while, have you?!) Nah, but I did shift my perspective of how I view other people…especially men. They’re not all bad…special…but not bad!
Mentally: My thoughts are still doing a 180. (Side note: NEVER do anything at 360. You’re just making a complete circle and going right back to where you started from!) I’ve adjusted my views on virtually everything and have shifted my words to match what I envision.
I’m still a work in progress. We all are. The person that has it 100% right is DEAD! Yep, I said it! No one on the face of this earth has it 100% together because once you get it completely right you transition from the physical realm to the spiritual realm…but I’ll save you my philosophical explanations! I’m tweaking, adjusting, and resetting my goals which means I’ll have to tweak, adjust, and reset my plans. It’s a part of life. I’ve accepted that. Nothing that I’m facing now will kill me. It may hurt, but all hurts heal in time. I’m going back to the drawing board. Not to start over. Not to go back to square one. But to change lines 3, 17, 24, 36, 58, and possibly 99-1,000,000!
Oh, and I’ll give you a final yay or nay about the hair color next time!
The journey continues…
The Transformational Rockstarr
The Transformational Rockstarr 